i'm a little more rational today. i guess its an overspill from going to singapore that got me hiked up about SIA again. had a little thinking session and calmed myself down and realized that i need to be here. i may not know whether its my choice or everyone else's choice but the important thing is not where i end up at but rather how do i reach there. it may seem like a straight line now, but who's to say that other opportunities won't turn up tomorrow? but if i accept and label my life now as a straight line... it will be a straight line no matter how i look at it. so, i choose to live a life where although the lines seem straight but if u look closely enough, it really isn't that straight after all!

the past weeks have been... indescribable. still is. been a whirlwind hurricane with my thoughts and feelings jumbling up and down, thrown around and goodness knows what else. i have been happy, sad, upset, angry, disappointed all in a span of a couple of weeks fluctuating from each extreme and its not because of a guy at that! i repeat.. i am STRAIGHT. its just that my friend has been so frustrating!! i care and worry about her but she's like numb to everything. she's running around in circles even though she should know what she should do. and even if she didn't know, she's just too stubborn to listen to anyone or talk about it. i  have never felt so helpless, disappointed and sad that she is hurting not only herself but others who cares and loves her. i know she doesn't read my blog, but i hope she knows that i am always on her side no matter what happens but that doesn't mean i agree with everything she does cos if i know that whatever she is doing is wrong, as a friend, i have to face up to her and tell her straight to her face, even if it means i will lose the friendship. which i sort of feel that it is happening now...  i really hope for once she will learn to love herself more and find her true self and not a mirage of someone else's dreams. u don't have to proof anything to anyone, if not you will just be spending the rest of your life being someone else you are not. i hope she would think higher of herself and not set expectations that sky rocket through the universe because she has so much to offer but yet she never thinks that she is good enough. i hope she knows that she is not alone in the world as there are so many out there who loves her. i hope she knows that even if she is alone, there is nothing wrong with that just as long as she loves herself cos it is better to be happy alone than to be mildly happy with someone else. i hope that she will learn to be truly happy because she deserves to be. everyone does.

ah boy... i don't think that there is anything else i can say if you have made your choice.  i hope you will be truly happy and that everything turns out for the best.

-The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. (Ben Stein )-